I’m sifting through our mail this afternoon, doing the typical ‘dump 99% of the envelopes in the trash but save the Birkenstock catalog and the coupons for a 3.9-star pizzeria I’ll never visit’ ritual when I spot something new and exciting…
Department of Homeland Security!
Great. I’m on a government watch list…again.
🙄
Oh wait, this is for my daughter. Totally forgot we’ve been waiting on her Global Entry card!
For non-Americans out of the loop, Global Entry lets you skip the ungodly long TSA security line at the airport.
The one where high-school dropouts poke and prod your exposed body while you stand barefoot on a sweaty floor trod by millions of fellow travelers.
(Not the point of this email, but Global Entry is a masterclass on ‘inventing a problem to sell a solution.’ Genius.)
“Honey, Nora’s Global Entry card just arrived!” I shout, ripping open the envelope with reckless abandon.
My wife, Nhu—sitting at the dining room table—perks up immediately.
“Finally!”
I grip Nora’s shiny new ID in my hands…
It’s…
“Well?” says Nhu.
“Well…Nora looks like she just got arrested for grand theft auto.”
“WHAT?”
Nhu races across the room to snatch Nora’s card out of my hands…
Squints at our daughter’s ‘picture…’
And lets out the biggest groan I’ve ever heard in my life.
“OH NOOOOOoooooo this is HORRIBLE!” she cries out in anguish.
It’s true. Whoever took Nora’s picture must have used every tool at her disposal to make our daughter look like an MS-13 gang member.
Face smushed up against the camera.
Pitbull scowl.
Angry eyes.
“They must have Photoshopped out her teardrop tattoo,” I remark.
“Stop it, this is so bad!”
“I wonder if she’s done time before?”
“Nick!”
“She looks like she’s hiding a sharpened sippy cup shiv in her diaper.”
…
“NICK!”
Fortunately, Nora only has to keep this card for…5 years…until we can take a new picture.
But come on…does anybody look good on their ID card?
Pretty sure I also looked like a low-level thug on my first driver’s license.
It’s not like people see it that often. (Unless you’re actually a thug and you get pulled over regularly.)
Not like, for example, your Upwork profile picture.
Clients see Upwork pictures every darn day, which is probably why I see so many freelancers trying to ‘optimize’ their pic game with silly hacks they saw online…
Like putting a colored border around their picture…
Or using a cartoon avatar
Or using a bright yellow background…
…
What? Don’t look at me.
Let me tell you something as a client:
Your profile picture is possibly the LEAST important thing about your Upwork profile, LinkedIn profile, etc.
As long as you don’t look like a psychopath, you’re golden.
That’s why I don’t concern myself with trifling mugshots, er, profile picz.
There are wayyyyyy more important tweaks you should make to your Upwork system before worrying about which filter to use on your profile picture.
Tweaks that are wayyyyyy more likely to win you good clients and get you one step closer to ‘booked solid.’
Tweaks you can learn by reading my daily tips.
In my daily emails.
Won’t teach you how to mugshot. Will teach you how to land fatter, juicier, and friendlier clients.
Click below to stop getting dominated by Upwork:
