“What are you, some kind of marketing genius?”
That’s what Darius, the CEO of a haircare brand, gasped during our sales call this morning.
I’d just shown him three not-so-obvious ways his ecom funnel was leaking customers like a broken bidet.
“Well, I don’t know about that…” I said, rubbing the back of my head with mock embarrassment.
“Call me a genius after I fix your funnel.”
Testimonials: Your Secret Sales Weapon
I’ll fix the funnel, of course.
(I always do.)
But what really stuck with me?
That throwaway line from Darius—“What are you, a marketing genius?”—is going straight to my wall of testimonials.
Right next to my all-time favorite:
“He does not miss! Give him a kiss! :*”
That’s right. A text-emoji testimonial. The kind you’d see in an AIM chat circa 2005, likely from a “fellow teen” who was two messages away from meeting Chris Hansen.
The Power of the Right Testimonials
Oh, you wanted a marketing tip?
Fine. Here’s one:
Your testimonials are your biggest chunks of sales ammo.
They prove everything—that you deliver, that you get results, and that working with you is a no-brainer.
But here’s the kicker:
Most businesses use the wrong ones.
Not every glowing review is useful. Not every kind word actually moves the needle.
A testimonial should:
✅ Highlight a real, specific transformation (not vague praise)
✅ Create desire—making prospects wish they were in your client’s shoes
✅ Be memorable—if people remember it, they’ll remember you
And if you really want testimonials that sell?
Make sure they sound like something your ideal customer would actually say—not stiff, corporate fluff that looks like it was written by an HR department.
“Nick turned our funnel into a customer ATM.” ✅
“Nick is great. Highly recommend!” ❌
See the difference?
Want Stalker-Tier Testimonials?
If you want testimonial gold that practically forces people to buy from you…
Or if you just want to give me a kiss…
The line starts here:
…for more copywriting, persuasion, and marketing insights you won’t find anywhere else.
I do not miss,
Nick
