Let this be a warning to anyone reading their inbox too early in the morning.
Last night, I got what may be the most seductive cold pitch I’ve seen all year.
It wasn’t a bullet list.
It wasn’t AI-generated fluff.
It was… a poem.
An actual poem.
Here’s what it said:
“Dear sir, your YouTube channel,
80/20 Marketing
Is very informative!
I saw your recent video on
How to become a six figure copywriter in 2025.
Great advice! I loved the part about investing in yourself!
But your thumbnails
They are not good.
My agency can create good thumbnails for you,
Like Robert McMillan channel who
Saw 35x increase in views.
Reply if interested.
– Ralph W. Emerson”
Aside from being a spiritual cousin of ChatGPT-meets-Confucius, Ralph made a bold promise:
35x more YouTube views.
Who among us wouldn’t want that?
I bit.
This morning, I replied:
“Do you have a YouTube channel?”
Because if you’re claiming to be the thumbnail whisperer behind a 35x boost in views…
Surely you use YouTube too, right?
Right?
Here’s Ralph’s reply:
“No.”
That’s it.
No follow-up. No redirect. No demo. No offer.
Just one word.
Where Cold Pitches Go to Die
This is where most freelancers fail.
They learn just enough to be dangerous:
- Just enough to personalize a pitch
- Just enough to toss out a result
- Just enough to sound kind of credible
But when it’s time to prove it—when it’s time to show their work, demonstrate expertise, and close the sale…
They vanish into the ether like a Fiverr ghost.
You Can’t Sell What You Don’t Use
Here’s the truth:
In 2025, proof is the best persuasion.
No gimmicks. No guru voodoo. Just visible, undeniable evidence.
You can’t sell YouTube growth if you don’t have a channel.
You can’t offer email strategy if you don’t send emails.
You can’t coach freelancers if your own business is a disaster.
Want to stand out in your outreach?
Want clients who trust you from day one?
Want referrals, testimonials, and repeat work?
Show and tell.
Even if you’re not perfect. Even if you’re just starting. Even if you don’t have a 35x case study yet—document the journey. Share your process. Lead with realness, not recycled rhymes.
Want to Write Cold Pitches That Don’t Suck?
If you’re a freelancer trying to land better clients, convert cold leads, or finally turn your inbox into a money machine…
That’s what I teach on my email list.
It’s daily. It’s punchy. It’s proof-based.
And you’ll never get ghosted by me with a one-word reply.
👉 Join here: nickbandy.com/freelance
You’ll learn how to pitch like a pro, write emails that sell, and stand out from every Ralph in your industry.
Like a more profitable, less-depressing Edgar Allan Poe,
Nick
