Late last night, my wife Nhu and I hurried through the dim grocery store parking lot on our undying quest for eggs.
Eerie quiet, except for the wail of a police siren in the distance.
“I hope there’s not a killer on the loose tonight,” I whispered in my wife’s ear as we shuffled through the howling wind and lonely shopping carts.
She clutched my arm tight. “Don’t talk like that! It’s scary!”
We darted between a lifeless black SUV and a rusty dirt-caked truck with naked lady mud flaps…
“You’ve never heard of the Cart Corral Killer?” I whisper-laughed.
Nhu pinched my arm.
Past a Sonata plastered in bumper stickers…
One said “Coexist.” Another, “Eat the Rich.”
Old Glory whipped violently in the wind above us…
We emerged from the deserted row of cars, not a soul in sight…
And I continued my police report:
“Wanted in four states…it’s said he lies in wait inside an empty shopping cart until his victims draw near…”
The nearest street lamp flickered.
An empty Diet Coke can careened and clinked into a storm drain.
And were the police sirens getting closer…or further away? Hard to tell over the wind.
“Can you walk faster?” I could barely hear Nhu hiss.
Halfway there…
THUMP!
A car door slammed shut behind us.
RIGHT behind us.
Nhu gripped my arm like she was trying to juice an orange.
We looked at each other, eyes open wide in panic.
He’s real. The Grocery Store Gouger…Supermarket Strangler…whatever he is, he’s right here! About to toss us in the back of his van like a side of beef, never to be seen again! He’ll vacuum-pack our left hands in his basement chest freezer and bury the rest of us in the Mojave Desert! He’ll—
“THANK YOU!”
A man’s voice called out behind us.
…
Huh?
Nhu and I slowly rotated our necks to face our assailant with dignity in these final moments.
Show me your rusty filet knife and get it over with.
There stood an older man, leaning heavily on a cane.
The perfect disguise.
“Thank you!” he repeated.
Thanks for what? Being such easy targets?
He cleared his throat and continued:
“You just don’t see THAT nowadays!”
See what? A rare 2-for-1 deal on victims on a Wednesday, of all days?
Nhu and I glanced at each other.
“Your HANDS!” he gestured towards our hands, still clasped tight. “I rarely see couples holding hands anymore…it’s sad.”
“Ahhh, that’s what you mean!” I blurted out. “Hahaha…”
He smiled—a little sadly—and went on:
“You two remind me of my wife and I, before she passed last year.”
He chuckled softly, turning to walk toward the nearest cart corral—cane barely touching the pavement.
We let out a nervous laugh as he disappeared into the night.
“That was sweet,” Nhu whispered. “I feel bad for thinking he was a serial killer…”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “But it would be an incredible cover, right?”
Nearby, a shopping cart squeaked—metal on metal. Muffled by the wind, it almost sounded like a scream.
Almost.
The Secret to Killer Emails (and Why Most Businesses Fail)
This entire story happened because I naturally write emails people want to read.
No fluff. No forced “value.” Just stories that entertain and connect.
And guess what?
That’s the secret to email marketing that actually works.
Why Most Emails Are Dead on Arrival
Most business emails fail because they:
- Read like corporate press releases (stiff, lifeless, and full of jargon).
- Focus on selling instead of storytelling (no emotional connection).
- Use boring subject lines that scream, “DELETE ME IMMEDIATELY.”
If your emails aren’t getting opened, read, or replied to, it’s not because email marketing is dead.
It’s because you’re writing emails no one actually wants to read.
How to Write Emails That Keep People Hooked
Want emails that people look forward to? Here’s what you need:
- A strong hook. Pull them in from the first sentence.
- A reason to keep reading. Build suspense, curiosity, or humor.
- A natural transition to your offer. Don’t force it—make it feel like a natural part of the story.
This isn’t just a “copywriting trick.”
It’s how you build trust, keep subscribers engaged, and actually sell without sounding desperate.
If you’re tired of sending dead-on-arrival emails while your competitors steal your customers…
I can help.
Click below to join my email list and start writing emails that people actually look forward to.
Holding on for dear wife,
Nick
